What’s Good Peeps? Welcome to the Indefatigable Artist Podcast, I am your host Bleace, just a multimedia artist living in the 21st Century.
34 Episodes deep and I still feel like I don’t know what I am doing or where I am going with this podcast, but I do hope it’s at least been insightful, soothing for the creative soul, provoking you into action.
Bleace. Noun. Potential Energy stored inside the chemical makeup of every living creature in the universe, that once recognized and harness, can be kinetically unleashed through passionately positive creative acts that do not directly or indirectly harm others.
I say my name is Bleace because that is what I want others to remember. There is only one Bleace, but there are a million Ryans out there. I am still Ryan at times but he is a character who gets looked over, one particle in the ocean.
In the novel I have a couple characters, one is BIK, Bleace Is Knowledge, and another Breezy, who is the action. I won’t give too many spoilers away, but Breezy has recognized his Bleace and acts on it passionately and tries his best to spread it out to others.
That is what I try to do in my own way.
There is a creative energy with infinite possibilities inside the eyes of everyone I see. For most it gets blanketed with a sea of have tos, I would but I have to do this, or I have to do that, I would work on that but I have to do it this weekend, I have to spend my time doing something other than what I want to be doing.
What is it that you want to be doing? Who is it you want to be in every waking moment? Who are you?
I have asked myself these questions and continue to do that. Every morning we wake up, we choose to be someone. Over time, the pathways in the brain make it easier and easier to be the same person we were the day before. By the choices we make, we choose to go down certain paths. Over the course of years, the paths become cemented, anything off the path is too uncomfortable to walk on, it’s too rough and where that path leads is unknown, so people don’t even give it a chance. I want to walk down the path I know, as I know where that leads and that’s right back where I am, just leave me alone, I don’t have the energy anymore to do it, I have to do this or I have to do that, I have to do that today because I have to – BAM, heart attack.
When I was in Atlanta, I was going down Peachtree late at night. I looked over to my right and I see this beautiful big body Benz, Mercedez Benz S650 Double AMG, matte white, my dream car. The car I have on my Dream board, the one I made back in 2010. I thought to myself, driving that car is who I never became. In another universe, they made all the right decisions to get them there to have that car. All of the mistakes I made, that me never did, they made other mistakes, walked down different paths.
What have I done wrong to get me in this position that I am in? Where did I fuck up to not be there?
Seeing that car also made me think of Tenet and the car scene with the Mercedes.
When I worked as a Valet at Rocco’s Tacos in Las Olas Boulevard in Fort Lauderdale, I used to drive a few of those cars.
Some of them I would sit in them for an extra minute and envision myself owning it.
Having driven every kind car under the sun, I can tell you that was the best to sit in.
One day, one of my regulars asked me to drive him to the beach and just bring his car back here in the lot. Out of all of the cars it could have been, even for him – he had 13 or 14 different cars himself that he came in – but that day he had my dream car that Mercedes. My brain tingled. I felt like it was the universe telling me that I am on the right path. I drove him to the beach and had the opportunity after dropping him off, of driving back from the Beach all by myself in my dream car. The car was like sitting in a cloud and flying. Almost completely sound proof from the outside, you can’t hear anything but the music or people talking, but I was by myself, and when I turned on the radio, Pursuit of Happiness by Kid Cudi played on the radio.
Why did I want that car? A material possession I won’t get to take to my grave. Laying in that hospital bed, I came to see that chase of that car from a new perspective. That was my ego chasing a trophy. It was material validation.
I have kept my dream board, that was filled with material goods, but it’s in storage, not something I look at every day. It created a stress on myself, filling it with I have-to’s, or I should be doing this, feeling guilty for not working 24-7, even though on same days I did. I neglected sleep a lot, which was disrespecting who I was as an individual. By doing that, caused even more anxiety, even more mania because I wasn’t allow my mind to live fully, I wasn’t respecting the other parts of myself. I was letting my ego dominate my life, chasing after material possessions. Get Rich or Die Tryin’ lifestyle. I have said it before and I will say it again, Ryan died in that hospital bed. The person who came out of that experience was born anew.
Now reading Eckhart Tolle and he talks about our Being is more than the thoughts we have. Our thoughts are from our environment, these words are learned from external sources, our Being is more than that, it’s more than we can consciously know. It’s further and Beyond.
He talks about Being and Presence. Being Present in the Now, and how it’s an infinite feeling. Our Being has unlimited energy. Reading his book The Power of Now, validated the view I have of Bleace and it being potential energy stored inside the chemical make up of every living creature in the universe. We just have to recognize it.
That energy will take you along your own individualistic path, for better or worse. Life just is, it’s us who define words like good or bad, easy or hard. That’s our choice to attach those words. Life just is, whatever can happen will happen. We either go with the flow, and that flow of external energy, as well as the energy coursing through you, that’s infinite, your body is finite, it ages, it is prone to injury and fatigue, but that universal Being inside you, never tires, do your thoughts ever cease? How hard is it to control your thoughts every single second of every day? How many thoughts did you have during that question alone? The mind wanders and wanders, going from one thought into the next without control – who is this lunatic and what does he want? What the fuck ,shut up! Why am I thinking those words about myself as I look into the mirror? Why am I choosing to think that about myself when I look at a picture of my body? That’s not who you are! That’s on a mere physical manifestation that is beholden to this reality, who you are fully is so far beyond that one physical avatar – if you will. Your Being extends into something more, something we can’t fully comprehend ourselves, something we are still studying, where is it our mind goes when we dream? Is that not just as real as our experiences here in this reality?
We don’t always remember our dreams, some will say they never have, but doesn’t mean there isn’t more brain activity than when we are awake, which was proven through the use of MRI and CAT scan technology.
I don’t think humans are intelligent enough yet to fully understand our minds. The vast power they have. We are learning more every year, and that’s the beauty of it, have a deep veneration for the universe, and stop being so egotistical that we have life all figured out, we absolutely do not.
Growth mindset. Change and adapt to new information.
Which is exactly what I experienced this past weekend.
This past weekend I went to Atlanta for a photo and video shoot, and while I was there, Dragon Con 2023 was going on. Now, I had never even heard about Dragon Con before and had no idea it was going on while I was down there. But there was a universal push for me to go there. Spontaneous flood on energy pushed upon me and I became water and allow myself to go with the current, not knowing where I would end up.
So I fly into Atlanta Friday Night, having just bough my plane ticket a week before, thinking that I would be in Canon Georgia the entire time, but that was not the case. I ended up getting to go to this Dragon Con event on Saturday and Sunday, grateful to Molly Woo for getting my ticket and pushing me to go to this event as it was really revolutionary for me.
Not only did I not know about this event, I had never even been to a Comic Con type of an event. I was blown away, speechless, I don’t know if I said 2 words the entire first day. I did talk to some of the people, but I had no idea where anything was.
The first thing I did when I arrived was get my pass and then I headed to the Parade, which showcased a bunch of cool floats and costumes. There was a Delorian from Back to the Future, the Truck from Twister, Ghostbusters car, someone riding a bike with ET and more.
Walking into the first hotel and how the entrance hall just goes all the way up however many floors the building was, then seeing this vast room filled with people dressed up as their favorite characters. The excited energy was palpable. There were people who had waited for this even all year long, many coming every single year since 1987! I had just learned about this even the night before! I was awestruck for the first time in a long time.
I am trying to remember a time where I felt like this, but I can’t recall it. Just the spontaneity of it all, I felt that the universe brought me here for a reason. All of the circumstances, positive or negative – again subjective terms, life just is, life isn’t happening to you, it’s happening for you. So often we have blinders on, focused on whatever it is we want, we become blinded to what is right before us.
After the parade I went to first of 3 connected hotels where the conference was. I walked 10 miles the first day going between the 3 Hotels, just trying to see everything and everyone. It was incredible going around and taking photos and videos of the various costumes. People were so nice and giving with their time, taking pictures with anyone who wanted to take their pic, not asking for anything in return, just spreading good vibes.
The second day, I went to AmericasMart, I had gone the first day, waited over an hour, not realizing that it closed at 7pm, so I only had about an hour in there, didn’t really get a chance to see everything in the 4 floors of the building. So on the second day, that was the first place I went, I saw that it open at 10am, I was there at 10:20 am. And I still waited over an hour and a half to get in! can’t imagine how early people must have gotten there, just crazy the number of people. Someone said over 85,000 people were in attendance.
Inside AmericasMart, there were 4 huge floors filled from end to end with various booths of artists. Talking to one guy and he said he knew of artists waiting 8 years, applying every year and getting rejected, just to get a booth at this place. Having walked around there and seeing the number of sales happening, I can definitely see why.
For me, what struck most was the number of self-published authors having booths there talking about their books and trilogies. Was really cool. For this experience, I was a student, an avid learner, so I didn’t talk about my books hardly at all, I wanted to hear about their stories. I wish I could have supported and bought their signed books, but I just couldn’t at this time, hopefully when I come back next year I will be way more prepared.
As a self-published author myself, it was really inspiring to see all of these writers come together like this and showcase their books, to hear the excitement they have for their stories, seeing in their eyes the worlds that have imagined. I know the feeling well of escaping reality, living with these characters in your head, going on adventures with them, wherever the imagination can lead.
The people attending, who have refused to let their inner child die. I loved seeing that, gave me hope. It was a powerful energy there that everyone could feel. I was instantly hooked and at the same time kicking myself for waiting this long to go to one of those things. Looking back, it’s like duhh, why haven’t I been to more of these?
But I am exactly where I am, what happened, happened, and couldn’t have happened any other way. If it did, it would be in another universe, another dimension of space and time, I am here right now, and it’s over in a blink of an eye yet it’s infinite.
That paradox coursing through the veins, I can feel the power of internal and external energies colliding in this moment, my mind can feel that this exactly where I need to be. The brain tingles.
I come back to that night going down Peachtree and seeing that white Mercedes. The other person I thought I was meant to be, he made all of the choices I didn’t and had that car. Another space, another time. I am here, and I am grateful to be here. Exactly where I am, because I just Wake and Be. Not be happy, not be this or that, just be. This morning I took a deep inhale in through the nose, and exhaled slowly out of my mouth, feeling that energy from within, being present in the moment, realizing I am more than I could ever be consciously aware of.
This trip was an exemplification of that. Yes I may be behind in some areas, but I feel like I am ahead in others. I am still learning, still adapting, still figuring out who I am, think we will spend our entire lives figuring out who we are. Who we fully are, what our full potential is. we have so much energy within us, it’s hard to even fathom. That energy doesn’t age, doesn’t get old, energy cannot be created or destroyed, only transformed from one form to another.
One of the changes I have made recently is to my socials, I had to get rid of the acronym NFT from the Bleace socials. I am not @ BleaceArt on All socials, including Twitch, Twitter, TikTok, Instagram, and Facebook! I had made those accounts in 2021, the BleaceNFT as it was something I could get on all platforms and I try to be consistent across all of them.
I still believe in Blockchain technology, and I believe in the ethos of NFTs where digital creators have full autonomy over their work and can connect directly with their fans, it’s beautiful, but the current culture and the number of scammers in the space have completely tainted the name. I feel like there is a shadow over NFT, the second someone sees it they either don’t know what it is, or they associate with scam behavior. Look at X now, all of the scams paying for ads now! What a terrible look! Someone who doesn’t know better could click that scam link on X and get wrecked, that’s their first experience, being scammed by an Ad on X. I have had to mute so many accounts recently, I don’t even feel safe scrolling as there have been times where I am scrolling and it will just click on something I didn’t mean to click. What the fuck.
It's just to say, there are too many bad looks for the word, and word association is very strong and can evoke strong emotional triggers. The one NFT has on the populous is a very strong negative connotation. Bleace was around before NFTs and I also don’t want to be exclusively tied to just one form of art, yes I still have NFTs, am I going to be minting more in the future yes, but it’s not my entire brand that I have been working on for over a decade.
I am first and foremost a poet, a writer, a multimedia artist and universal creative. I want to connect with as many people as I can, and if NFT is tainted as much as it is, I needed to make a change, I can’t let the actions of so many bad actors hurt my reputation too. Maybe in 5-10 years the shadow over NFT will dissipate but a lot has to happen and there is a lot of federal cases still lingering that will drastically impact the Crypto markets, which are already fragile and can peak or plummet at any second of any day, it’s 24-7 365, nonstop.
I will be updating how these changes impact my growth on the various platforms. I created four new scenes on Twitch and will be going Live there as much as I can, have some fun new things planned for the stream, I am going to be doing more live readings, poetry readings on stream with some trippy meditation animations I have created, I am going to be doing a step by step approach to virtual reality, trying to teach others I know about VR and how it can help them with their creativity.
What is it that you want to be doing? Who is it you want to be in every waking moment? Who are you?
Are you in control of your thoughts or are your thoughts controlling you? Anxiety? Deep breathe, find your center, those words came from somewhere external, learned words, what words come to mind when you look in the mirror? Why those words and not others? Choice is yours.
Who am I, I am still discovering who I am. Iam grateful for those who have known me in the past, grateful for those energy colliding with me now, and those in the future I have yet to meet. Let us go further together one step at a time.
And if this my last episode ever, and one of these times that will be true, so I want to say it now, because if not now, when? But I just want to say before I go, one last thing and if it’s the last thing I ever say I want it to be this -